I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
