My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
