his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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