What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
