Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
