By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize