my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
