you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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