Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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