He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
