apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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