i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
