We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
