Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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