The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
