She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We need to get me chipped asap
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
