wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
