i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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