I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
