Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this just has baby written all over it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
