so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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