just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
