His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize