Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
