that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize