Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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