i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
