Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
