I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize