i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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