We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
