Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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