I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
