I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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