Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
