Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Randomize
