He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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