I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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