the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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