once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
