only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
