dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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