My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
