It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
