i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize