I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
whose parrot is this?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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