Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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