My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
