so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
