Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
