so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
