On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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