Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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