How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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