there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
