Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize