Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
