Yo dont text me then not text me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
