I'm really into asian looking animals
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
did i just pee glitter
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
