Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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