Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
