the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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