can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
