Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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