ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
