you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
