my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
