Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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