you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
