dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
