Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
