Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
