his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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