speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
