the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
