I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
