TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
