Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
