Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
