you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
