so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
