I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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