You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
