i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My cat gives me a boner
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
