why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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