At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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