You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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