apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
