Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
COCAINE IS GR8
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
