K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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