She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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