The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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