I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
