There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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