So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
