I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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