he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
