We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
