you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
