just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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