apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
