haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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