The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
