just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
