Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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